Monday, March 22, 2004 dum dee dum dum
Yeah.. when I said we were planning on updating this site more often...
I was kidding.
Haha!! funny, right?
Erin
What's playing on our answering machine right now:
"Alexa and Erin aren't here right now but their fussball table is lonely! Leave him a message!"
dum dee dum dum
Monday, March 15, 2004 counting down the days....
I can just tell you right now, I'm not going to make it through the next two months.
Even if it IS the last two months. Even if these last two months means that I will be home for summer break, home home home, in two months. Even if these last two months are the only thing standing between me and the beach, me and a nice steady job (=earning money), having time to write and film and relax. Time for myself!! *gets excited* Time in....
Two MONTHS.
It may be the sweet tea. ACC Basketball. The dollar fifty theather. My own car. A little bit of the culture, a little bit of the rednecks, a little bit of the accents. I don't know maybe I'm just missing grass. The sun. Definetly, the beach.
*sigh*.
Erin
ps. Funny quotes from the spring break adventures of Lauren and Erin are coming soon. And, oh are they coming.
counting down the days....
Tuesday, February 24, 2004 whoa.
You know, looking back, I really wish I had known about all this BEFORE I got all excited. You know, the fancy brochures, the glossy pictures, the fact that you got out of school to go visit places that fed you punch and cookies while you roamed buildings named after people like "Wanda Dillingfarmsnoot" and "Pat Eddie Wardfungus".
Turns out, behind all this partying and food and late nights and freedom... there's something called CLASS!!
*leads audience in loud "boo..."*
That's right folks. The same people that led you to believe college was all about extra curricular activities and friends and "the time of your life" are secretly trying to hide the fact that college is all about... WORK!!
SCHOOL WORK!!!
Not to scare you, but it's almost like high school, all over again! Homework, papers, research, and even... yes, even exams. Midterms too, actually, which are things that recently I've noticed I simply do not care about anymore.
I mean, give me a chance. You waited till I got here to spring this whole "education" thing on me, then want me to turn around and play your little "grading game"? I think not.
The mental and sociological shock was almost too much. They should have a name for this... freshman fever or something. Anyway, I've decided to protest.
Yep, we're taking this all the way back... back to the time of riots in the streets, making this one of your good, old fashioned, bra burning, flag waving, sit down, stand up, lay in the streets before they make you spend one more evening in the library, awaiting your doom events. Too much effort, you say? Come on, people, we're talking about SCHOOL WORK, here!
So stockpile your caffeine and bury your textbooks. We're all going on strike and if you're not with us, you're a terrorist... er, I mean against us.
Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, here we come.
Erin
whoa.
Thursday, February 19, 2004 why didn't somebody slap me?
Ok, so we haven't exactly been regular posters.
*sigh* You know we try...
I'm going to make this a quick one, really. Just something I need to get out of my system. So be patient. Funny things are coming. Soon. I promise.
*********************************************************
I was walking today. Walking in Ithaca involves a lot of clothing. A lot of warm, bulky clothing that doesn't really let you move around a lot. Not that you'd need to. The objective of walking in Ithaca is to get from (warm) point A to (warm) point B. If that means passing through (cold) area between, you concentrate on walking as fast as you can and keeping your face out of the wind.
Today was warm though. (Warm being about 33 degrees) Warm enough to melt a bit off the drifts of snow here, and, even better, eliminate the kind of bitter chill that hits when you get into the teens. And no wind.
So I'm walking. I've got this running list in my head, the kind that seems to increase as you go, full of petty errands and paperwork. Why is every departmental office on campus's spread farthest away from the next, anyway? Is it just Ithaca?
So I'm walking...
and suddenly I notice I'm... you know...
walking.In New York. Ithaca, New York, to be exact.
Impressive, isn't it? I mean, last year at this time, I was totally lost. Sick of high school, tired of work, and ready to go anywhere but home. Ithaca was completly out of my range, though I was wowed by the massive facilities and equipment. You know, the typical paperwork propaganda that every high school senior gets bombarded with. But I had actually been to Ithaca, and even though I knew we could drive home after I heard the projected price, I think I still kind of harbored this tiny hope in the back of my mind...
A year later, and I'm still sick of work (isn't everybody? i'm convinced that's universal.), tired of school (stress, actually), and ready to go anywhere but back to my *extremely* messy dorm room.
But I'm so, so, SO damn grateful.
Weird shit happens to me all the time. If you've known me for more than a year, you know that very well. I think I've always handled it, well, ok. Irony is kinda funny, if you don't let it get to you. And my life was just meant to be more ironicly crazy and weird than most.
And I don't know what happened at the beginning of this semester, but I really let
everything get to me. Yeah, it was weird stuff, but I've had it all before. I guess I was just overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all, emotionally stressed, and *bam*.... I let little bits of my life slip through my fingers.
The fact is, no matter how much I listen to people bitch about Ithaca, I think it's amazing. I think I have great opportunities here. I think I can do very, very well when I get out of here, and really that's the most important thing. I have to remember that. You know, what I'm capable of doing, no matter where I am.
It's the negativity factor, and it all comes down to the fact that I have to learn to laugh again. I have to get my life together and hold on to the stuff I've still got... but to glue it back, I'm going to snap out of the last stage of this... this... obliviousness.
That's going to mean a few changes, most of which are painstakingly bothersome and much much harder than sitting around typing them here.
But overall, I just want everyone to know that I remembered what trees and snow and sky and life looked like today. I remembered this time when I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life, and my appreciation for the things I've been given... that I remember it all and I haven't lost it. I remembered to look around and... it was all really beautiful. Life was really, really beautiful.
How could I have forgotten?
Erin
why didn't somebody slap me?
Tuesday, February 10, 2004 What's the date? Year? Where the hell am I, and what am I doing here?
OK, let's refresh, bit of a quick update here.
In the past 72 hours, I was *almost* promoted and given a salary raise, I've spent 30 minutes talking to a guy I believe could be a potential rapist, at three o'clock in the morning and agreed to have lunch with him, I've been dumped, I've screwed up the whole dumping thing, possibly because I was too happy, and my karma doesn't like that, I've gotten out of my slump, organized my scholarly life, stayed up till four oclock in the morning, watching "Sex and the City" even though I don't like it, overslept through a very important meeting that will ruin my chances of becoming an RA, signed on with another movie, A WESTERN in which I am tied to a tree and rescued by "my hero" (that's going to be a classic), had two very bad phone calls, one of which I realized my partner for my own movie is a genious and it going to make me look bad, and consequently I'm going to fail in doing my movie, and one phone call in which the potential rapist said he can't have lunch, which makes me happy, because when he said, "Do you want to reschedule, or just call it off" I said "Call it off" and I expect to never hear from him again, but also... did I just get refused by a potential rapist? I think I'm insulted, and Jetta's pride has been wounded. He beat me to the punch, damn it... and I have returned to my slump.
Right now I really should be in the library. Doing the spanish lab stuff that was due... oh, a day ago, and that is worth a large part of my grade. I'm not
sure I really care though. If I do, the caring is buried very, very deep. I have a spanish test tomorrow that wasn't on the syllabus, and I have studied nothing. I have a technical cinema quiz tomorrow and I have studied nothing. I have "Islam" class in TWO hours and I haven't read since the beginning of the semester.
I can't remedy things before they fall apart again. When I try hard I fall faster.
I should be attempting to make this funny but it's not, so much.
I'm sorry.
Eva
What's the date? Year? Where the hell am I, and what am I doing here?
Tuesday, February 3, 2004 No Kelly, I Haven't Been Low
[okay, so i lie. I have been Low, but damn her and her catchy song]
Lost In College... more of this crap
** Lauren and Erin have gone to Japan. They have gone to the Japan for the purpose of being lost, but so far they've only managed to get lost in the bar. Large amounts of alcohol later, and many really,
really bad pirate impressions on Lauren's part, they are about to meet some new people in their plight of self discovery **
Lauren: Alright Erin, the way I remember... one of us has to have a brief affair with the lounge singer.
Erin: WHAT?!
Lauren: Yup *gulp* sleazy and repulsive as he may be, this is a necessary action. *gulp*
Erin: There is NO WAY.
Lauren: Well, I don't think I'm
quite that drunk yet... but with some luck I may be! Savvy?
Erin: No, I am not savvy! You're crazy!
** Little do they know that the spoken lounge singer has been watching them for some time, and is now stepping behind them **
Lounge Singer: Yeah you're crazy... crazy beautiful.
Lauren: *turns around* Bloody hell.
Lounge Singer: Hi, my name's Phil.
Lauren & Erin: PHIL!
** Lauren promptly starts laughing hysterically and leans forward, consequently falling to the floor... yet still laughing **
Phil: Yes...
Erin: Oh... my... lord.
Phil: Yes, my name is
Phil. ** picks up Lauren's drink, and then sets it back down ** Can I buy you a drink? I'm Phil!
Erin: Oh, I think she's had enough Phil.
Lauren: ** gets back up ** BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?
Erin: Bad timing Lauren, bad timing.
Lauren: Okay, I'll work on that.
Erin: So what was your name? Bill? Will? Dill?
Phil: Phil...
Lauren & Erin: PHIL! ** they burst out laughing again **
Phil: I don't get it.
Erin: Yeah, you wouldn't.
Lauren: But why is the rum gone?!
Erin: Nope, still no go.
Phil: Are you ladies staying here long?
Erin: Actually no, you see we're leaving right now. So... um... yeah. You have fun being Phil, and with any luck I'll never see you again.
Lauren: Aber warum ist der rum gegangen?
Erin: Lauren... that was in German.
Lauren: Oh, right then.
Erin: It's time to get you upstairs to the room that we probably don't have.
** With a little help, the two get into the elevator. After trying to match up all the symbols, they figure they're on the ninth floor, and watch as the lights blink up. On what was probably the third floor, a man enters the elevator. In his mid thirties, he is larger, bald, and American **
Erin: MR. PARRISH!
Lauren: But WHY is the RUM gone?
Erin: Hey, actually that was pretty good!
to be continued... :)
No Kelly, I Haven't Been Low
Tuesday, February 3, 2004 No Kelly, I Haven't Been Low
[okay, so i lie. I have been Low, but damn her and her catchy song]
Lost In College... more of this crap
** Lauren and Erin have gone to Japan. They have gone to the Japan for the purpose of being lost, but so far they've only managed to get lost in the bar. Large amounts of alcohol later, and many really,
really bad pirate impressions on Lauren's part, they are about to meet some new people in their plight of self discovery **
Lauren: Alright Erin, the way I remember... one of us has to have a brief affair with the lounge singer.
Erin: WHAT?!
Lauren: Yup *gulp* sleazy and repulsive as he may be, this is a necessary action. *gulp*
Erin: There is NO WAY.
Lauren: Well, I don't think I'm
quite that drunk yet... but with some luck I may be! Savvy?
Erin: No, I am not savvy! You're crazy!
** Little do they know that the spoken lounge singer has been watching them for some time, and is now stepping behind them **
Lounge Singer: Yeah you're crazy... crazy beautiful.
Lauren: *turns around* Bloody hell.
Lounge Singer: Hi, my name's Phil.
Lauren & Erin: PHIL!
** Lauren promptly starts laughing hysterically and leans forward, consequently falling to the floor... yet still laughing **
Phil: Yes...
Erin: Oh... my... lord.
Phil: Yes, my name is
Phil. ** picks up Lauren's drink, and then sets it back down ** Can I buy you a drink? I'm Phil!
Erin: Oh, I think she's had enough Phil.
Lauren: ** gets back up ** BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?
Erin: Bad timing Lauren, bad timing.
Lauren: Okay, I'll work on that.
Erin: So what was your name? Bill? Will? Dill?
Phil: Phil...
Lauren & Erin: PHIL! ** they burst out laughing again **
Phil: I don't get it.
Erin: Yeah, you wouldn't.
Lauren: But why is the rum gone?!
Erin: Nope, still no go.
Phil: Are you ladies staying here long?
Erin: Actually no, you see we're leaving right now. So... um... yeah. You have fun being Phil, and with any luck I'll never see you again.
Lauren: Aber warum ist der rum gegangen?
Erin: Lauren... that was in German.
Lauren: Oh, right then.
Erin: It's time to get you upstairs to the room that we probably don't have.
** With a little help, the two get into the elevator. After trying to match up all the symbols, they figure they're on the ninth floor, and watch as the lights blink up. On what was probably the third floor, a man enters the elevator. In his mid thirties, he is larger, bald, and American **
Erin: MR. PARRISH!
Lauren: But WHY is the RUM gone?
Erin: Hey, actually that was pretty good!
to be continued... :)
No Kelly, I Haven't Been Low
Tuesday, February 3, 2004 *sigh*
Someday, I'm going to meet the guy that lives above us in the street. When that day comes, I hope I'm two things:
A) Really damn good at karate. A martial arts- Lucy Liu- black leather matrix outfit- kickass queen of pain, and
B) maybe slightly drunk, or at least, very very far away from anybody that would potentially arrest me.
Because someday, when I meet the guy that lives above us on his busy little way to work, or home, or whatever druggie existance he comes into, I'm going to remind him of all the nights he had sex, REALLY LOUDLY, or whatever the hell he does up there at midnight with the furniture. Or whatever.
In any case, it's going to be loud and raucous and possibly painful, to him, and I would just like you to know, that though I am not a very violent person ::coughjettacough:: I genuinely look forward to this day, sometime in the future.
Thank you for your time. Back to regularly scheduled programming.
Eva
*sigh*
Sunday, February 1, 2004 Saki! Is that Chinese or Japanese?
Lost In College ... continued
** Our two heroines just entered a very shady Japanese hotel in downtown Tokyo, led by Keanu Reeves and American dubbed over pop music. Evening is falling on the busy, foreign town, and they're not really sure of what to do... or how to check in **
Erin: Hi! We need to book a room.
Japanese Clerk: Hieee chi wabadabba.
Lauren: Right then...
Erin: No no, We need to BOOK a ROOM.
Japanese Clerk: Ni!
Erin: *whispers* Lauren, check the Japanese translation book.
Lauren: Translation book? Sure, it's right next to my babel fish.
Japanese Clerk: Weeaahhh Whoopi Whoopi Bing Bang
Lauren: There's something wrong with you... there really is.
Erin: This is going no where fast.
Lauren: Let me try. Ecki Ecki Watang Shuuuwamb! Ni! Hakuna Matata! Wohnzimmer Jetz! Um... Sianora!
Japanese Clerk: Sianora!
* long pause *
Erin: What... have... YOU DONE?!
Lauren: Well... um... Hey! A bar!
Erin: We cannot sleep in a bar Lauren.
** she starts dragging her over to the hotel lobby bar, where several listless people sit drinking whiskey and a horrible lounge singer is hiding behind his piano **
Lauren: Tecnically it is possible, but I wouldn't reccomend it.
Erin: Then why are we here?
Lauren: It's 9pm. We're in Japan. I think I either cursed the hotel manager to hell... or wished him congratulations on his new elephant baby. I for one, could use a drink.
Erin: Oh deer.
Lauren: Besides, we have to find someone who is also having a life crisis, will provide us with insight,
and entertain us as we find ourselves in Japan.
Erin: And his name has to be Bob.
Lauren: Precisely!
* She orders two rum & cokes, and hands a glass to Erin for a cheer *
Lauren: Drink up me hities, yo ho!
Erin: Savvy.
To be continued :)
Saki! Is that Chinese or Japanese?
Saturday, January 31, 2004 Oh, The Places You'll Go
Lost In College ... continued
** After conning several men, hiring Kevin to steal a few cars, and selling the entire Upton family bar [both upstairs
and downstairs, the girls finally have enough money to go to Tokyo. Declaring a 'Late Teen Crisis' break, they skip merrily away from their institutions of education, and meet up in front of a Chinese resteraunt across the street from the Japanese airport **
Erin: So what do we do now?
Lauren: Now we begin the process of being lost!
Erin: Well that's not too hard! Do you see ANY English ANYWHERE?
Lauren: The symbols are preeettty!
Erin: Yes they're pretty! But what do they MEAN? We have to find a hotel or something!
Lauren: Hm... right... well... HEY LOOK!
Erin: What? What!?
Lauren: Keanu Reeves!
Erin: WHAT?!
Lauren: It's Keanu Reeves! Up there!
** She points to a giant billboard that features a full length picture of Keanu Reeves, shirtless, wearing a jockey hat, holding a riding crop and standing next to an Emu **
Lauren: When in doubt, follow Keanu!
Erin: Oh deer.
** So they turn and walk in the direction of the Keanu sign, until some familiar music is heard. **
川私は叫ぶ...
川私は叫ぶ...
Lauren: What is that?
ERin: It's... It's... CRY ME A RIVER!
Lauren: Oh lord. Since when can Justin Timberlake speak Japanese?
Erin: It's coming from that hotel!
Lauren: Erin, there are lots of things coming from that hotel... including bad music and two Japanese hookers.
Erin: We're staying here!
Lauren: You're not lost, you're losing it.
Erin: Come on, lets go.
Lauren: This is not going to be good. This is not going ot be good at all.
Oh, The Places You'll Go
Friday, January 30, 2004 I can't feel my toes. Scratch that. I can't feel anything.
Someone asked me how cold it was in Ithaca yesterday.
"So, Ithaca: it cold up there yet?"
And I'd have to say to this person, No. Of course not. Some days I wake up and think, what balmy weather! Better than Miami! I think I'll go sip a mint julep on the sun porch!
OF COURSE IT'S COLD IN ITHACA!
I can't think of a single time, after announcing my decision to attend IC, that someone didn't say, "Wow, Ithaca, you mean in NY? It's pretty cold up there!"
Now that I'm here, people seem to be most curious about exactly HOW cold it gets in Ithaca. Folks, I'm here to tell you.
Remember that Seinfeld where Kramer gets a hot tub, accidentally falls asleep in it one night, and the heater breaks? He says his body temperature dropped with the water and his "core being" will never be warm again. Yeah. Like that.
Or the time that Coach Hancock (yes, yes that WAS an old ADHS reference) made us run a ladder practice (for all you non athletes, it's like the hardest practice there is for middle distance runners) in freezing rain? And at the end all of our hair had frozen? And all of us got sick? Yeah. Like that.
Or the time the tire of our bus burst into flames, on our way to that band competition, freshman year, and we all stood in the middle of a "Roses" parking lot(what the heck is "Roses" anyway?) and huddled under thin blankets in the really early morning for an hour until McDonald's opened? Yeah. Like that.
Or the time I went with 10 Campbell's kids to Wilmington at three oclock in the morning and stood on the concrete pier for two hours waiting for the sunrise? And it was so cold I took my colemans sleeping bag (the one I brought to sleep IN Erin's room, IN the dorm, which DEFINETLY didn't happen) out of the trunk and three of us fit in it? And two cops came and knocked on the foggy windows of our car and then laughed at us when we told us what we were trying to do? Because the wind chill was like TWO FREAKIN DEGREES?
Yeah, like that.
Or, this is a classic.... when we woke up that morning and realized the room was colder than the actual outdoors due to the fact our room is on the windy side of the building and our windows don't shut all the way; and we were so cold we physically couldn't move, and skipped showers, and will never be the same? Yeah, like...
Oh wait, that was this morning.
Eva
I can't feel my toes. Scratch that. I can't feel anything.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 Bo-hah-nyg-les. say it with me.
Web Programing.
Class of the devil.
I have to say that no class could possibly be more frustrating. You come in. You sit down. You log into your school account that takes approxiametly 5 minutes to load. Then you log in again because they don't recognize your password. You know, the one you've been using for a month now.
You're finally online. Ready to begin the lab of the day. Well, ready to begin opening the massive Photoshop folder that takes 10 minutes to set up. Then you can begin... oh wait. First you have to find those files you saved last class, to build on them. And... your Ithaca account has eaten them up.
The Ithaca College Novell system, aka your personal Nova account:
where all important files go to die.
Needless to say, I'm writing this from Web Programming. I have nothing else to do... the rest of the computer is still frozen, trying to locate files even I must admit I never expect to see again.
In other news, the boy infront of me, a Bulgarian kid who is in my spanish class, is happily typing out a web page four labs ahead of me.
LKSDJ adlskfj asdklfj;L:SKDJF DSKL *bangs head on keyboard*
Why are all the exchange students untouchable? Is it kind of aura? Food they ate on the plane over that makes them invincible? The seven different languages they know? Maybe its all the Lord of the Rings Risk.
Back on the home front, it's ten minutes till class is up and I've... just loaded my account! Yeehaw!
I need some sweet tea. You just have no idea.
Eva
PS. Someone said to me they'd never heard of Bojangles today(he's from Maryland) but asked, "Oh, but speaking of southern things, do you really have something called Pigglywiggly?" Oh dear sweet mother of pearl. Thought I had left THAT one behind.
Bo-hah-nyg-les. say it with me.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004 Lost in College
Forgive me friends, I'm a little bit stuck on this movie as of late. So here's my new adaption of the glorious screen play.
Lost In College
Lauren: Oh woo is me, I lye around all day in the dorm room in my pajamas and search for the meaning of life as I look out the fifth story window. Only it's quite tragic, because I don't have a window.
:: heavy sigh ::
Maybe I could put on some clothes and go to class... or maybe I could watch 'The Ellen Show'.
:: pause ::
I really like that Ellen.
:: pause ::
She was funny in 'Finding Nemo'. I could get up and put 'Finding Nemo' in the DVD player and watch it... or I could just continue to lie in bed.
:: touches hair ::
I should probably shower. How does Scarlett Johannason pull of the depressed vagabond lying in bed soaking in misery, and still be so bloody attractive?
:: sigh ::
I bet she showers. Oh, I must call Erin.
:: picks up phone ::
Erin: Hello?
Lauren: Erin
Erin: Lauren
Lauren: Erin - I'm lost.
Erin: Me too.
Lauren: I can't remember how to get out of bed.
Erin: I keep walking around campus, and saying to myself, "Where am I?"
Lauren: What am I doing here?
Erin: What is my purpose in life?
Lauren: 42
Erin: What is six times seven?
Lauren: Erin... if we're lost, don't you think it'd be more fun to be lost in Japan?
Erin: I think it would
definitely be more fun to be lost in Japan.
Lauren: Erin... lets go to Japan.
Erin: Hm, okay.
da da dum! To be continued :)
Lauren
Lost in College
Friday, January 23, 2004 Here we go. Again.
Well guys, it's 2004.
Duh.
I guess we kind of let things slide over here, beyond Sanford. You know, the semester slowly begins to slide away, things happen, like Lord of the Rings Risk games with Bulgarians and horrible movies like 'The Cooler'. Live and learn, right?
But this is a NEW semester! A DIFFERENT year! A totally fresh start! We're past the "look back and reflect on bad things you did this year, like sign up for every club on the campus and co-found the ones you couldn't find... and then get sucked into every senior film in Park. oh. and a play". Now is the time to wipe the slate clean, purge your soul, blah blah blah, and by a NEW FREAKING POOL TABLE.
I present with you the epidemy of the new year, all wrapped up in a conversation in Target.
Me: Alright, lets go, we got the things we came for. *side note: these items consisted of band aids, an alarm clock, and a birthday present for a friend of ours*
Alexa: Ok, comin...OH MY GOD! LOOK AT THAT! *starts running towards the Target Customer Service table* It's an AIR HOCKEY table!!!
Minn: oh god.
Me: Alexa, come...
Alexa: Erin, we need an air hockey table.
Me: Alexa!? We live in a 12x15 FOOT ROOM.
Alexa: I'm not leaving without the pool table.
Me: Are you SERIOUS?
Alexa: Ma'am, is the air hockey table really 15 dollars?
Minn: Um, she's serious.
Target woman who DEFINETLY IGNORED my desperate death signals behind Alexa's back: Yeah. All of them are. And they're perfectly fine. GREAT deal.
Me: *muttering* damn... you...
Alexa: WE'RE GETTING AN AIR HOCKEY TABLE!!!! *careens cart around and pushes off towards the sports dept.*
Me: Minn! DO something!
*It was at this point Minn got blindsided by an EXTEMELY chatter member of our party... leaving me alone with 'one-track-mind-girl.*
Me: Alexa, we don't need an air hockey table. Where are we going to put it?
Alexa: You're right. I mean, look at this awesome picture! We need a TWELVE IN ONE GAME TABLE!!!
Me: Wha...?!
Alexa: *to target guy* Do you have any of these?
Target guy, who also DEFINETLY IGNORED my frantic signalling: Yeah, and they're all on Clearance!!!!
Alexa: ERIN, THIS IS AWESOME! It has pool, air hockey, basketball, fooseball...
Me: fooseball?
* Ok, I admit it, at this point, my resolve began to disolve...*
Me: We... don't...
need a fooseball... *remembers where we live* Where are we going to PUT it?
Alexa: WHO THE FUCK CARES? IT'S THIRTY DOLLARS!
And... that explains the table now dominating our floor. Three hours to assemble. Three hours screwing things into the wrong places and loosing small parts not meant for children under three, aka our floor.
Hey, we survived the car ride up here. *filming ourselves the whole way, even through a snowstorm* The table hasn't smashed anyone's foot yet. And I haven't burned any popcorn this whole week. The new year is clean.
I'd have to say... that pool table is best thing I think I've ever bought. On impulse. From Target. That I had to sit on during the ride home, because it wouldn't fit in the Ford Focus. Alexa is the best (albeit ultra cool insane) roomate ever.
It looks like it's going to be a pretty good year.
Eva
Here we go. Again.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Peace on Earth.
Goodwill to men.
And women.
Merry Christmas.
~
Eva
Sunday, December 14, 2003 and it begins....
Eva must learn the entire Spanish language in the next twenty four hours. Her grades, and therefore her ilfe, depends on it.
This sounds vaguely like something that's happened before. A long long time ago... in a state far far away...
Only this time, it's snowing outside, and we should have a good 24 inches before 9 oclock tonight. And I just recieved the most amazing, slick, waxed styrafoam "Whammozinger" sled from my secret buddy.
This could have grave, grave results.
Oh the temptation. And yet... college: in the great scheme of things, does it really even matter?
That's funny. In the back of my mind, I have a strange, vaguely familiar number flashing through my head.
34,000!!! 34,000!!! Oh yeah, tuition.
*sigh*
Hola.
Eva
and it begins....
Sunday, December 7, 2003
This was the first email I read this morning, and the last, because I had to leave the computer lab, I was laughing so hard. Lauren, I post it in your honor. And because you're probably too busy sleeping off a hangover to do it yourself. This is the real thing, folks.
Read it and love life.
***
To: Eva Sager
From: Uptonia
Subject: "cigarrettes and chocolate milk"
tonight we wanted to get runk, so we did. this was a good idea, becuase i
havent had alcohol in a very long time. i like it. it is doogd.
i just realized how bad my speelling is. damn.
hatehr is passed out.
i'm about ot pass out, but i wanted to send you an e-mai first. til to et
you know htat you're my best friend,m and i love you. i really do.
i also love southern comfort.
vodka.
and.. sour aplple schnopps.
i hatn'et eeen this bad toff in a vey long ime. dont' think playig typer
shark on yahoo would be a good ida right now. you're evither halguthing,
ot dsaying 'oh fuck, my fireidn has gone mad.'
not mad, just drunk.
but that's okayy, every now and then. what's not okay is talking to kyle
when i'm drunk, because kyle doesn't like drinking. shouldnh have thought
about thab before iimed kyle. prom was weird, do you rememeber?
wow
this is crazy.
i should go ot bed now
first, you can read this convo, 'cause it's funny
ZipToTheStar: KEVIN
ZipToTheStar: ICH HABE VEEEEEEEEEEEIL GETRUNKEN
KevinBurmaster: WOAH!
KevinBurmaster: Oh jesus
ZipToTheStar: hahaha
KevinBurmaster: I was just in UNC, dont give me any of that because that
is ALL I saw
KevinBurmaster: *at
ZipToTheStar: too late
ZipToTheStar: trying to stay up so i 'm not hungove rin the morning
KevinBurmaster: How bad off?
ZipToTheStar: losing the attle
ZipToTheStar: bad.
KevinBurmaster: Seems like it!
KevinBurmaster: All about the drugs, alcohol, and rock'n'roll right?
KevinBurmaster: I MUST get some sleep though, I am gepooped
ZipToTheStar: noo
ZipToTheStar: don't leave me kevin
ZipToTheStar: hseisse
KevinBurmaster: Nitey nite my goddess of drunken meandering
KevinBurmaster: Scheisse
ZipToTheStar: nein
KevinBurmaster: If only you were this drunk in Europe!
ZipToTheStar: hseisse
ZipToTheStar: is more fun
ZipToTheStar: oh god
KevinBurmaster: Now THAT would be AMAZING
ZipToTheStar: ya'll wodln't be agle to handle me
ZipToTheStar: i ahven't ebeen this ad since mikle left
KevinBurmaster: Hahahah, speak for the others!
ZipToTheStar: mayybe not eve
ZipToTheStar: r
KevinBurmaster: Goood, people who are sober too often make me sick
ZipToTheStar: nott hat problem here
ZipToTheStar: icna't feel my face
KevinBurmaster: Hahah, indeed indeed
KevinBurmaster: You are Philip Broadbent times five hundred!
KevinBurmaster: And some
ZipToTheStar: di love filip
ZipToTheStar: if i could
ZipToTheStar: i'd mary him
ZipToTheStar: bet you didn't know that?
ZipToTheStar: true.
KevinBurmaster: Hahah, you would marry me right now if you could!
ZipToTheStar: sure
ZipToTheStar: why not
ZipToTheStar: we get along
ZipToTheStar: we lke europe
ZipToTheStar: we like alcholh
ZipToTheStar: all is good
KevinBurmaster: Too bad you are a realist and Im a sadistic bastard!
ZipToTheStar: too bad i'm a
ZipToTheStar: oh wait
ZipToTheStar: i don't knwo what i ma
KevinBurmaster: Not to mention all the other labels I come with. Let me
see: Narcissist (number 1!), Psychopath (number 2!), and Threeee, manic
depressant haha
ZipToTheStar: i think i'm bipolar
ZipToTheStar: meant to tell you that
ZipToTheStar: seroiusy
KevinBurmaster: I think I may
KevinBurmaster: Its fine that way, get spurts of manic and its like being
on drugs.. And then other times when you bum its like being on incredible
depressants haha
ZipToTheStar: drugs are good
KevinBurmaster: Hahahah! Droga
ZipToTheStar: drugen
ZipToTheStar: sit
ZipToTheStar: guten
ZipToTheStar: ich liebe durgen
KevinBurmaster: Droga is italian
ZipToTheStar: sure
ZipToTheStar: whatever
ZipToTheStar: i'm german
ZipToTheStar: in mhy next life , iw ill be english it hink
KevinBurmaster: Du liebst boempsgranatan Voll/Hoech haben
ZipToTheStar: eh
ZipToTheStar: not now
ZipToTheStar: i' tytrignt to talkt o kyle
ZipToTheStar: and reveal that i' not drunk
KevinBurmaster: Ja, ja.
ZipToTheStar: 'cause kyol edoen't like drinkig
KevinBurmaster: Too bad, too late!
KevinBurmaster: Hahahahah!
ZipToTheStar: i love you kevin
ZipToTheStar: you make me lagh
KevinBurmaster: Tell him Kevin Burmaster says, "Wann du kannst, du musst!"
KevinBurmaster: You make me laugh even more
ZipToTheStar: yay
KevinBurmaster: Although I am grateful that I could
entertain you
ZipToTheStar: i like to make people luagh
ZipToTheStar: hahaaha
ZipToTheStar: yeah
ZipToTheStar: i would take you rding tomrrow
ZipToTheStar: but i'm going to be uungover in the mornig
KevinBurmaster: Whoohooohoohooo!
ZipToTheStar: and then i ahve to decorate my xmas tree w/mfaily
KevinBurmaster: Hahah, pleasure spiked with pain
ZipToTheStar: tis life
KevinBurmaster: That mother fucker is always spiked with pain
KevinBurmaster: And I like it that way
ZipToTheStar: ehyah
ZipToTheStar: like getting a tatto
ZipToTheStar: whicn i want one btw
ZipToTheStar: a horesshoe
ZipToTheStar: w/stars
KevinBurmaster: Agreed!
ZipToTheStar: jah
KevinBurmaster: What should I get mine of?
ZipToTheStar: a bigg forotoot
ZipToTheStar: foot
ZipToTheStar: that sais scheisse on the bottom
KevinBurmaster: A big book that says DAVENPORT SCHOLAR on it?
ZipToTheStar: no
KevinBurmaster: Foot scheisse?
KevinBurmaster: I dont get it
ZipToTheStar: yup
ZipToTheStar: anyone who would tatto davenport on them is mentally unstable
KevinBurmaster: What about nefertiti that would be pretty nice?
ZipToTheStar: slash a cult memeber
ZipToTheStar: shore
KevinBurmaster: Its done!
ZipToTheStar: good deal
ZipToTheStar: i have another bookf ory out oread
KevinBurmaster: Bring it!
ZipToTheStar: lfie of pie
ZipToTheStar: pi
ZipToTheStar: herwe?
KevinBurmaster: never
ZipToTheStar: i never see u
KevinBurmaster: Sounds interesting though, oh I know it SUCKS
ZipToTheStar: hyes
ZipToTheStar: we change this
KevinBurmaster: Sooon we change this
ZipToTheStar: run away to europe tomrrow morning?
ZipToTheStar: praue?
ZipToTheStar: praha?
ZipToTheStar: jah
KevinBurmaster: Not a problem!
ZipToTheStar: oki
KevinBurmaster: We leave tomorrow at 4:00
ZipToTheStar: 8am
ZipToTheStar: no
ZipToTheStar: 8
ZipToTheStar: well
KevinBurmaster: The last message was not sent because you are over the
rate limit. Please wait until sending is re-enabled and send the message
again.
KevinBurmaster: 8 is fine
ZipToTheStar: it says i'm ove rhte ufcking rate limit
KevinBurmaster: You must call my cell phone sometime and hear my voice
mail. You will laugh hysterically
ZipToTheStar: now
ZipToTheStar: hold on
KevinBurmaster: What is?
KevinBurmaster: Your alcohol content perhaps?
ZipToTheStar: haahaaha
ZipToTheStar: much
ZipToTheStar: viele getrunken
KevinBurmaster: Keine Scheisse
KevinBurmaster: Und das ist verdammt gut so
ZipToTheStar: haha jah
ZipToTheStar: oki
ZipToTheStar: lets try this agin
KevinBurmaster: Hahah, it will take you for a SPIN!
ZipToTheStar: oh no
KevinBurmaster: Do it again
KevinBurmaster: There you go
ZipToTheStar: no more dspinning
KevinBurmaster: Give it another 2 hours and/or sleep and it SHOULD stop
ZipToTheStar: yay
ZipToTheStar: yay
ZipToTheStar: left u a msesage
KevinBurmaster: Is it in Deutsch?
ZipToTheStar: hell no
ZipToTheStar: i oculd try that tho
ZipToTheStar: lets try
KevinBurmaster: Nooo Im going to go to beddd
ZipToTheStar: in a sewc
ZipToTheStar: hahaahaaha
ZipToTheStar: i love the messagw
KevinBurmaster: I thought you would
ZipToTheStar: yeah
ZipToTheStar: and a german message
KevinBurmaster: You need to go to sleeepp
ZipToTheStar: i sould
ZipToTheStar: i'm e-mail ing erin
ZipToTheStar: and then i will
ZipToTheStar: i was trying to sober up first os i woud't be hungover
***
classic. it makes no sense. the spelling is worse than a dyslexic's. i know you'll probably take it down to prevent further embarrasement, but it does my heart good to know it was up for but a few hours.
Uptonia... I can't wait till Christmas break.
Eva
Sunday, November 16, 2003 A Sucky Update
Lauren's Sucky Update on Life in 200 words or less
Christmas show terrors. Who needs to pass Psychology? I知 bipolar, definitely bipolar. When your horse is a little poo, beat him. Writing a novel in a month? Hah! Oh, I知 supposed to be doing that right. Maybe my alarm clock is actually a time machine, and I can sleep through the rest of this year. Damn apparently it only works for sleeping through math class. I need to drink more alcohol, slash ANY alcohol. Oh yeah, I need to pass Psychology. Damn. I want to move to Montana. Actually, I want to move to Vienna. When I go this summer, I might just have to stay. Too bad I don稚 know any German. Too bad I don稚 have any time to do anything. Too bad I forget where my socks are sometimes, especially when they池e on my feet. My extended family is starting to die. My close family is starting to fade. I don稚 want to go home anymore. No Garth Brooks, it needs an explanation. It all does not make perfect sense. I really want to be a writer, but that would involve writing. I don稚 have time for writing. I need a break.
A Sucky Update
Monday, November 10, 2003 no interesting title comes to mind.
My thoughts during Computer and Information Technology Class:
1. I hate this class. What the heck is she talking about?
2. hmmm.... www.ratemyprofessors.com
3. hahahahah! that was fun...I crack myself up!
4. I ought to go check on that blog. Yeah, the one I never have time to post on anymore.
5. Five whole comments on my last post! And it was only three sentences long!
6. This doesn't make any sense. I wrote the entry about marriage a long time ago. *thanks,by the way, jenna* Somethings wrong with the comment thingy.
7. Beck... Beck... what did I write about Beck?
8. Huh. Beck... for some reason, I thought you were British. As of now I still think you are British.
9. Isn't he? I mean, British.
10. gah! Too bad. You're british now, Beck.
11. I wish I was British. I wish my teacher was british. Then at least I would have the cool accent to listen to.
12. I wish I was in Britain. In a BRITISH computer course. With the actor in "What a Girl Wants" as my lab partner.
13. Why would I be taking a computer class in Britain. Screw that. Picadilly Square. Eating fish and chips.
14. I'm hungry.
15. Mmmmm... pie.
16. That was for Jenna. Jenna, I finally found the weebl site. Or whatever. My roomate introduced me to it. It was ok... I thought some were funny, some were stupid. NO offense. But at least i know what the heck you were talking about.
17. Homestarrunner is even funnier, and I don't even like Homestar runner. But there was a great comic where Marzipan tried to bring her dead fern back in a seance and...
18. I seem to be the only one typing.
19. ....
20. damn.
Erin
no interesting title comes to mind.
Monday, November 10, 2003 I present
I present to you the inner monologue of Lauren Upton on the night of November 9th, 2003.
Oh look, math webassign is due in 30 minutes. Man, I hate math. Candy corn is really good, but it wouldn't be as good if we ate it as much as we ate real corn. Who is 'we' anyway? Why yes Chang, I would love some help with my math webassign. I hope Chang doesn't decide to hack into my state account and ruin my schedule. Maybe giving him my password wasn't such a hot idea. What Chang? You have all the answers? This is why I stay friends with Chang. Oh look, Dr. Setzer thinks I'm going to have Heart of Darkness finished tomorrow. Dr. Setzer obviously doesn't know
me very well. Why do I get suckered into doing all the work for the skating christmas show every year? Oh yeah, because I ask for it. No Charlie Brown, Christmas time is
not here. And why is my computer going so slow? I think I'll have some Chai tea. Tea and poetry go well together, I'll write a poem. Hey, this is pretty good. I think I'll post it on
allpoetry. Maybe I'll critique some while I'm at it. Damn. These people suck. I might as well read Conrad, better than this shit.
Yeah, that's my night.
Here's the poem.
I present
Sunday, November 9, 2003 whoooo
speaking of nanowrimo...
*oh wait, we weren't? too bad...
i need to get started on that.
probably shouldn't so much of the little free time I have on the "procrastinators" forum.
*i don't have any free time.
I thought this was fairly amusing. It made me spit water all over my desk.
)
*Ok, all over the stuff that's all over my desk. I don't think I've actually seen my desk since... well, August.
Anyway... the forum was for writing letters to the characters in your novel that aren't working the way you've planned. It's absolutely hilarious, what some people write.
*hmmmm... characters. I should probably get some of those. A plot, too.
Dear Tertiary Character,
I killed you for a reason. I even killed you extra early so you'd come nowhere near this story. Quit trying to worm back in. And especially quit becoming charcters with other names. I know it's you, and I'm not amused.
Tattycat
hahahaha! Yeah, I am tired. How'd you guess?
Erin
whoooo
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 Well, yeah.
So tonight I have called Erin's dorm five times.
Left 2 messages,
and realized my literature homework is to start reading
Heart of Darkness
In case you didn't realize,
Heart of Darkness sucks.
a lot...
Well, yeah.
Saturday, November 1, 2003 NanoWrimo
It's the first of November.
I have to write at least 1600 words every day this month.
I'm going to kill Erin for this.
And so it begins...
NanoWrimo
Saturday, November 1, 2003 Like, Whoa
Which Pirates of the Carribean character are you?
Find out @ RelentlessDivas.Net!
By the way, this is my husband.
Like, Whoa
Friday, October 31, 2003 i wish.
Which Pirates of the Carribean character are you?
Find out @ RelentlessDivas.Net!
OK, so this was a really bad quiz, made no sense, wasted my time (except for making me laugh) and generally was of no use except to give me a REALLY AWESOME PICTURE of Keira Knightly! This makes me tempted to go get pictures of dear Johnny and Bloom as well, but then I'll simply be coating my blog with nothing and Lauren will be horrified. "But
why is all the rum gone?" hahahaa...
And while I'm shamelessly premoting ridiculous thing, allow me to put in a good word fow what is going to be the best romantic comedy ever created. *LISTEN UP, PEOPLE, because I don't even LIKE romantic comedies*
The funniest British guy on the planet (besides this chap named Beck I'm still trying to figure out) is starring ALONGSIDE the lovely and talented Kiera in "Love, Actually", coming out this December. It's got a star studded cast so for Pete's sake, go even if it is to watch your fave celeb.
Of course, now that I've started, it's nearly impossible not go on to another list of dreadfully good movies everyone must see this fall, but I will try. I hope (watch for "Speak") everyone ("Shattered Glass!" come on, it has Hayden Christensen!) has a wonderful ("Peter Pan" is going to rock, even if you are grown up already...) weekend, and doesn't (do NOT miss "Whale Rider") get too drunk ("Last Samurai" is up in the air, but critics are claiming it will bring Cruise an oscar...) on Halloween!
Erin
i wish.
Thursday, October 30, 2003 One Step Behind
I have learned several valuable lesssons in my life. They include, but are not limited too:
* Never play on the monkey bars in a skirt.
* Popcorn has to be taken OUT of that little plastic wrap BEFORE you put it in the microwave.
* Don't take your pet snow ball to bed with you.
* People ARE more stupid than you think they are.
* You can't fake Spanish by adding an "O" to everything you say. Yeaho.
* If you don't remove that little plastic wrap from the popcorn package, something bad called "overheating" could possibly happen.
* Leaving drunk messages on answering machines is only fun when your parents don't have that specific number.
* Eighties music is equivalent to chinese water torture and nuclear attack, combined.
* "Overheating" means the fire alarm goes off, and then the 500 hundred residents of the Towers must file out of the building, which generally doesn't make them very happy.
* It would suck to live in North Korea.
* Being one step behind in life isn't bad, as long as you aren't on a treadmill. Then it gets painful.
* Nobody likes fire alarms when it's 12 o'clock at night, and snowing.
* You must fight for what you believe in, even if it is only that Ernie and Bert are NOT gay.
* My loft bed is approxiametly 7 feet off the ground, aka. eternity when you're falling off it.
* It's ALWAYS snowing in Ithaca.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have happened to pick up a personal belief in the past few days. Life: it's not really what you make of it, it's how much you can write of it after it beats the living day lights out of you.
I have this everpresent memory of the first time somebody asked me why I laugh so much. *specifically, at myself* I don't really remember what I told them, I think I was kind of taken aback. But honestly, people, if you don't laugh at it, who will? Your life is kind of like this little personalized movie someone hands you. Mine happens to be an ironic comedy. *sigh* If only they served popcorn.
Erin
One Step Behind
Thursday, October 30, 2003 The Saga of Lauren's Suitemates
Ladies and gentlemen, I live in University Towers. This is the first time I have actually accepted it. I live in the dorm where you can walk by the front desk with four cases of beer, and they wave and tell you to have fun. I live in the dorm that considers french fries to be a stable part of breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I live in the dorm where you ask, "Why is that man carrying a balloon doll? Why is that nurse throwing up on the side of the street? And why is she wearing gucci shoes?" Don't worry kids, it's only the UT Halloween party. Lots of alcohol, lots of skanky costumes, and lots of UT people. I could tell you more about, but then that means that I'd have to actually
go to the party. Lauren doesn't do UT organized activities. Call me a pariah, it don't bother me.
The purpose of this post is not to bash my dorm. The purpose of this post is to bash my suitemates. Don't get me wrong, I love my suitemates. I really do. First I was afraid of them, then I was a little annoyed with them, and now I just love them. You can't help loving someone who bangs on the bathroom door [while drunk] yelling, "LAUREN! HEATHER? WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!... DO YOU HAVE ANY LIIIIIIIP STIIIIICK?" No actually, I
don't have lipstick, but I'll pretend to look for some while I can laugh at you two. Laugh and point, because you're drunk and you're wearing 80's halloween costumes. I love my suitemates.
to be continued.
The Saga of Lauren's Suitemates
